Stewie Hunger

A poker playing legend from Cornwall, Stewie lived life to the fullest, partied hard and played even harder. Stewie is the only three time winner of the association poker championship. Stewie's most renowned hand is the one he couldn't even afford to play and one he didn't see the end of.

Broke and penceless, Stewie after an evening of hard core drug use and soft core recreational drug use and moderate prescription drug use and NyQuil chugging and heavy over the counter drug use and a Marathon of Fawlty Towers found himself, vertibly Quantuam Leaped, from his perspective, railbirding Sir Sam Harrod, the pickup driving founder of Harrods Department Store, playing Half and Half style which consists of 5 and 6 pence snooker and Ipswich Hold 'Em.

Stewie, at that point an unintelligle mess, began channeling the alien voices who spoke to him in his head, this time the language Hebrew. Funny thing, Stewie didn't understand Hebrew but he knew they were talking to him it and knew he had to repeat it to the crowd. Nongentiles said his hebrew was a flawless retelling of a Bar Mitzah in Glasgow. Sir Sam Harrod not recognizing the famous degenerate, but taken with the sideshow, invited Stewie to sit at the card table with him. Onlookers whispered, he's penceless and out of sorts, even as Stewie tried to lick the electical outlets, but Sir Sam said, "but a trifling. I will supply the tender with which he will play, for queen and country let it be known the department store king has a soft spot for our homeless."

Sir Sam fronted the 10,000 quid to get Stewie in the game more as a gesture of his largesse and his ample wealth, but little did he realize he was about to get a lesson from Cornwall's finest. Within short order, Stewie now speaking inner Mongolian dispatched with ruthless agression the other players at the table. After tea, it was found he and Sam Harrod had an equal number of chips.

Stewie, his mind more on the ostrich nibbling his ear, still had his magic touch and inately the poker played itself. So second nature to him, he stared Harrod dead in the eye and speaking suddenly English said, "I'll play it for all." Harrod looked at the board, and though he had loaned the 10 G to Stewie, he had to give pause to the wager. Now they were each sitting on 500 g as a 100 players had started the tournament before being dispatched by he and the poker savant, and even to him that was a considerable amount of money. His confidant whispered in his ear, just fold, and take it from him in the Snooker portion, he can barely hold a cue.

Harrod, however, was a proud man and he had sought to trap the agressive Stewie and he thought he had just done so, but he wanted to be sure, two jacks in his hand matched the one on the table, the full house made by the Queen on the turn gave him almost the conkers. The board read JhQsKhQh with but the Thames card to come. "I'll see your wager! I too, play for it all!"

Stewie rolled his eyes, and back into his head they went. The dealer laid the last card to rest, a worthles 5, and it hit with a massive thud. Actually, it wasn't the card it was Stewie's head, he died at the table, Harrod tried to sweep the pot, "A dead man wins no hand."

Inky Cobblepockets a drifter and Stewie's last friend, was Georgie on the Pot, he sprung to the table like Simon Le Bond to a mirror of coke, correcting the department store king,"The hand plays. And if he wins, we might well need it for his...uh... Irish wake." The crowd roared in agreement. "He's a good belfast boy, that Rory Patrick Odoull Odell OBrien."

Harrod sneered, "It matters little, I have the Pair and Trips, this house is full, as the cockney say, Mittens for the Kittens!" He started to sweep the pot.

Inky Cobblepockets, dug his dirty nails into Harrod's hand, his grungy, stubby fingers like sausages from his half-gloved maw stopped the lord not from their grip but from the abseces bubbling from them. Harrod recoiled in horror. "Too much haste, mi'lord, what's Stewie's hand?" As though the drug soaked corpse heard this final call to the felt, Stewie's hand thudded to the table revealing his hole cards. The crowd collectively marveled, "The stone cold conkers!" Ah10h.